When It Comes to Your Dating Goals, Do You Want a Partner or Hero?

The dating world is rife with single people wanting what they want. Daily, I tune into conversations and listen to both men and women rattle off their long wish lists of characteristics they want in their ideal mate. Some of these requirements make sense to me. Some lists are confusing. Some wants and desires seem implausible, and some are downright wishful thinking, especially when you consider the person requiring these things.

I’m not saying that people are not allowed to want what they want.

I’m a huge advocate of love and believe most people should find that particular person that makes them happy and with whom they can build a life if that’s what they desire. However, it’s woefully unrealistic to expect someone to be something for you that you have not found the strength or motivation to be for yourself. Let’s get into it.

Main Character Energy

I believe in men being providers. I do not believe in 50/50 financial arrangements. However, I also think a man should complement a life I am already building and actively creating for myself. This ensures that a man is a non-starter if he does not meet my basic financial requirements. I don’t have to bend and adjust my standards to make it work.

For all intents and purposes, I take myself out to drinks and dinner alone to places I want to discover. I indulge in hobbies that I want to pursue. I’ve spoken about learning to play tennis the summer my husband moved out of our home, and I’m an avid solo traveler. I love discovering new places on my own.

I refuse to sleep with a gargoyle to experience the finer things in life. That’s a personal standard I have for myself.

Necessity vs. Desire In Your Dating Goals

Simply put, the dynamics of a relationship are very different when the foundation of the relationship is built on necessity versus desire. The former puts you in a prime position to be abused, taken advantage of, and/or put up with behavior that you ordinarily wouldn’t deal with. However, because you NEED this person, you don’t have much of a choice. That is not the recipe for a healthy relationship.

Your life should not begin when you find a partner

As a relationship writer, I believe in finding love, but I don’t think it should be your ultimate life goal. What if that person never comes? Will I never actualize my goals because I was waiting for funding from a man? Will I not go to certain places and pursue specific goals because I was holding off on going with a man or waiting for assistance from a man?

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that your life will begin once you find the right partner. We’re bombarded with messages telling us we must be in a relationship to be happy, fulfilled, and complete.

Invest in Yourself First

When you invest in yourself, you’ll radiate positive energy and confidence and be less likely to settle for someone who doesn’t treat you well or share your values. Invest in your personal growth. Whether through therapy, coaching, or self-help books, investing in your personal development will help you become the best version of yourself so you feel complete and whole on your own and will stop looking for someone else to give your life purpose in your dating goals.